How to Let Go
In the five stages of letting go, it might be a case of just getting through it with time. For some people, a little bit of time to process what’s happened is all they need to get over it. But just like people’s ability to let go, this depends on the individual, and we’re not all the same. Having said that though, there are things that you can do to help speed this process along. Here are a just a few:
EXPECTATION VS. REALITY –We can imagine any scenario coming to reality, but it’s just a vision, in our imagination. But what often happens, is that our vision is based on something we are worrying about, or experiencing in the moment. For example, if you’re handing in a piece of work, you might expect to be the best, get the highest grade available. The reality however, might not be that. It doesn’t mean that it’s the complete opposite, but even straying slightly from your high expectation can leave you feeling disappointed. What’s important to remember, you can rarely predict an outcome of anything, and it’s important to not get carried away with what you expect to happen, in the event that the reality doesn’t match up.
DON’T CONTROL OTHERS – You can only really control yourself. You can try all you want to change others’ opinions and beliefs, but this can just be a waste of time. Learning that other people have their own viewpoints on things and accepting that can help you to let go. If you were to have an argument with someone that was particularly unpleasant and that affected your relationship with them, if you weren’t accepting their side, what makes you think they’d accept yours. What you have to accept is that people are different, and they are out of your control.
SELF BELIEF – This applies to more than just letting go. Having self-belief is crucial to live happily. Don’t let other people define who you are. You’re your own person. Live the life that you want to live, and don’t listen to the people who tell you to do things, because they think that’s what you should do. If you’re living by other people’s standards, you might not be able to let go of something, because you can be worried about what other people think about it.
EMBRACE NEGATIVITY – No one wants to experience negativity, but blocking it out entirely is just an unhelpful. What a lot of people, influenced heavily by social media, think nowadays is that being wrong makes you appear stupid. It doesn’t. It makes you human. Everyone makes mistakes, and you learn better from mistakes than you do from success. If you embrace negativity, you can understand what it takes to overcome it, but if you don’t and a negative experience is forced upon you, you might not even know where to begin, and letting go is a long way down the line.
FORGIVE – Finally, forgiveness. Holding grudges, previous negativity, against people is one of the most pointless things you can do. It doesn’t solve anything. If you’ve got an issue, talk it out. Don’t live your life disliking someone for a past reason and never letting it go, because as I said at the start, the only person who is affected by that nagging dislike that negative spiral, is you. Forgive and move on, life does.
Letting go of the past can be difficult. But if you want to grow as a person and you want to stop feelings of embarrassment and pain, then you’ll need to learn to let go, regardless of what you fear may happen. You can’t change the past, so quite simply, don’t surround yourself by it.
Have a listen to our Anger and Forgiveness podcast.